Monday, June 23, 2003

Men, Pants and Relationships

Sunday found Ann and me at Filene's Basement at Downtown Crossing in Boston. There she delighted in picking out for me a succession of suits, ties, shirts and pants. (More on this pants theme below.) I'm sure that the last time she had as much fun was when she played dress-up with her first Ken doll.

I now have my first dark green suit and I will wear it for the first time in a few weeks when I meet the Prince of Wales. (More on that in a forthcoming entry.)

My fellow blogger, Stacey George, has a theory around men and pants. This is what she blogged today, June 23:

Theory of Pants

One day, a man wakes up and gets dressed and notices that he needs pants. "Today," he thinks to himself, " I must buy pants." He goes to the mall and goes to Brooks Brothers, or The Gap, or J.C. Penney, depending on the guy, and tries on pants. He doesn't try on funky styles, he doesn't try on sweaters, he doesn't browse the CD rack. He picks out pants that he likes, that look comfortable, he tries them on. If they fit, he buys them and takes them home. That is how a man buys pants.

Extrapolating that shopping experience to dating, one could assume that one day, a man wakes up and brushes his teeth and looks in the mirror and thinks to himself, "Heidi Klum is never going to call me. I'm in my 30s. My hair will never be thicker, my waist never will be trimmer. I've got a good job, I'm a nice guy. It's time for me to get a wife." From there, he will go and begin dating nice women. Women he can picture as the mother of his yet unconceived children. He will not date crazy, bi-sexual tattoo artists. He will not date bouncy, 17 year-old semi-professional gymnasts. He will try on these "nice" women until one feels comfortable. Then he will marry her and take her home. If she declines, if she is not ready to *be* the pants, he will most likely marry the next pair of pants he meets. Which would lead us to conclude that it is less about being soulmates and "made for each other" as it is about having a roomy inseam and some cargo pockets.


Bolstering Stacey's theory is my own experience. Last fall, it became clear that I would be staying in Boston. I was ready for a relationship. So I pored over the personals, discreetly inquired about interesting women I knew, and encouraged my friends to try their skills as matchmaker.

This spring, I predicted to my friend, Beth, that I would be in a relationship in 2-3 months and probably married or at least living with a woman in 2-3 years. Beth thought that was typical of a man. Just like Stacey, Beth remarked that men just decide one day that they will find a partner and then just go out and do it.

I could quibble about the details of Stacey's theory. (For instance, my waist size will be trimmer in the future.) But the fact remains that I'd reached a point in my life when I was ready for a relationship. It was just a process of finding the right woman.

It's all in the timing. Plus Ann knows how to pick out a good pair of pants.

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