Thursday, May 08, 2003

Off The Market

Today, I retired my web personal ad. I'd gradually refined it over the past year or so.

The title read: "Bicycle Seeks Fish."

After describing myself as a 38 year old "Buddhist-leaning Unitarian Universalist," I included the following information:

Last great book I read:
I refuse to list just one: 'The Golden Compass' Philip Pullman; 'Culture Jam' Kalle Lasn; 'American Gods' Neil Gaiman; 'Daily Afflictions' Andrew Boyd; 'Pay Attention For Goodness' Sake,' Sylvia Boorstein, and 'Fast Food Nation' Eric Schlosser.

Most humbling moment:
Whenever I meet anyone who has struggled to fight for justice at great personal sacrifice. This is always humbling for someone like myself who has not had to take the same risks.

Favorite on-screen sex scene:
The professor/coed scene from 'The Man Who Fell to Earth.' At one point she wears nothing but her glasses. That image seared itself into my 17-year old memory.

Anything from 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Sea of Love.'

Celebrity I resemble most:
Hugh Grant (accent & hair)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (build & appearance)

And it wouldn't hurt at all if you resembled in some way Janeane Garofalo, Nicole DeBoer, or Natasha Wagner.

Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
I always try to tell the truth. That way I can remember what I said.

Song or album that puts me in the mood:
None in particular. Though if I keep endlessly playing Beck's excellent 'Sea Change,' I fear I may never date again.

The five items I can't live without:
meaning, connection, a certain sense of balance in an ever-shifting universe, Woodchuck Granny Smith's Hard Cider, chicken tikka masala

In my bedroom, you'll find:
semi-neat, somewhat sparse and utilitarian decor, many partly-read books and magazines, an FAO Schwartz Airedale Terrier (not life-size), copies of The Nation, American Prospect, New Republic, too many dust bunnies under the bed, and an exercise bike used as a clothes-horse.

Why you should get to know me:
I've spent an inordinate amount of my time over the past ten years on my work. (When your job is saving the world, the to-do list in the morning is a bit daunting.) I am now consciously stepping back a bit to spend more time on myself and those closest to me.

I'm very open to trying new pursuits, especially ones involving exercise, the outdoors, and the arts (particularly good independent film and fiction.)

I'm British, which tends to appeal to American anglophiles. Though you should realize that I'm here because I consider Britain to be quite overrated.

I won't ignore you for sports because I prefer almost anything to watching a ball being tossed around. In any case, I consider sport to be a deviation from the revolutionary struggle. I prefer my opiate in the form of independent movies or Buffy.

I'm broad-minded. I've been in relationships with women who are straight and women who are bi. Both are fine with me; neither is required or expected. (Liking me is obligatory though.)

I've never driven a car in my life. It's mainly due to my laziness and my tightness with money but it's also an environmental virtue. (Hmmm. I may not be selling myself here.)

I earn a decent living and live both debt-free and beneath my means. 'Voluntary Simplicity' appeals greatly to me. However, if I buy you air tickets so that you can accompany me to London, this is a sure sign that I'm smitten.

I like to cook spicy vegetarian (and fish) dishes for using mainly organic foods from the Harvest Coop and recipes from the Moosewood cookbooks and Diet For a Small Planet.

I give good foot-rubs and neck-rubs. I had a purely platonic arrangement with a former co-worker to massage her back with my elbow from time to time. My skills were sufficient to override her embarrassment at our colleagues overhearing her moan: 'Yes. Yes. Right there. Ah! Deeper. Ooh!'

More about who I'm looking for:
I believe beauty comes in all shapes and colors. However, compassion, intelligence, assertiveness, honesty, and a sly and understated wit are key. I'm attracted to that smile on your face and sparkle in your eye that will last your lifetime.

Although having said that I do rule out smokers, fans of Ayn Rand, and anyone born more than once.

I'm looking for someone interested in exploring a long-term partnership with all the trappings. I want to share warm evening-long hugs, heartfelt conversations, giddy celebrations, sad depths, tough questions, and moments of epiphany.

I'd love it if you are artistic or have knowledge of some aspect of music, film, literature, poetry, or art that you'd like to share with me. With a helpful guide, I'm willing to enter new worlds.

'Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses' - Dorothy Parker. In my case, she was dead wrong. My love of alliteration is matched only by my fondness for goofy geek girls in glasses.

Have you been told you talk a lot? Good. I like that.

I've dashed my heart - twice! - against the rocks of long-distance romance. Please live in the Boston area - preferably within easy access of the T.

It's OK if you have children. I've no interest in having any of my own. However, I have dated women with children before and been reliably informed that I am a good male role model for boys.

I'm looking for mutual chemistry. I understand that it may not be readily apparent from a first meeting. However, if, when the time is right, we just can't stop nuzzling each other's neck, that's probably a good sign.


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